Visioning Your New Year from Mat Boggs on Vimeo.

Please take some time and journal on these questions below.  Write down whatever comes to your mind; be it strange or silly, don’t edit it.  Just let it flow.  Open your intuition and be courageously honest with yourself.  Notice what bubbles up.  After you have written down your answers for each of these questions, look back and see which answers really speak to you.  Pay close attention to any patterns for what you want to create.  A pattern is our soul’s way of getting our attention.

Have fun!

• What wins did you have in 2010 (small and big)?
• What old patterns do you want to release moving into 2011?
• At the end of 2011 how do you want your best friends to describe you?
• What ten qualities best describe how you see yourself now?
• What ten qualities best describes how you want see yourself at the end of 2011?
• What’s one thing can you do this week that will give you one of the feelings you described above?
• What do value most in life?
• How does what you are doing for work align with your highest values?
• How can you shift your daily life to better align with your highest values in 2011?
• What adventures do you want to have in 2011?
• What do you want to learn in 2011?
• Where do you want to travel  in 2011?
• How many date nights do you want to have in 2011 (describe some of them)?
• Describe three unique memorable experiences you want to have with someone important in your life. (ie, scuba diving, hot air balloon ride, painting lessons, wine tasting in Napa Valley, skiing, snowboarding, etc.)
• Who do you want to make sure you spend time with in 2011?
• Who do you want to spend less time with in 2011?
• What do you want to spend less time doing in 2011?
• What do you want to experience more of in 2011?
• How much money do you want to make in 2011?
• How much do you want to give or contribute to others or a charity in 2011?
• What life-long experience or goal (if you have one) can you accomplish in 2011? (ie, rafting the Grand Canyon)
• What is God or Spirit calling you to do this year?
• What resistance do you have (if any) to going after your dream?
• What will it take for you to achieve your dream?
• Are you willing to achieve your dream?

A woman named Jenn recently sent me this question through my blog… “Hi Mat! I’ve been using some of your suggestions in my relationship. They work so well! They’re really really wonderful! So thank you! I’m writing now for any info you can share on how to break up with a guy without leaving him totally depressed. Thanks! P.S. Where is your blog? Great question Jenn!  …and yes, I’ve been MIBA (missing in blog action) lately.  So thank you for the nudge to bring me back to blog-land:) Breaking up sucks.  But, if done correctly it can be an incredible tool for building our capacity for being loving, even during difficult times. If you need to break up with a guy, and you want do it in the kindest way possible here is a five-step method that will help: 1. Stay To The End. Nothing is worse than breaking up, getting back together, and then breaking up again.  This “Boomerang Break Up Method” is caused by ending the relationship too soon.  If you don’t stay to the end, doubt will creep into the corners of your heart and mind.  You question your decision, and the desire to get back together will sometimes bubble up. Many people, especially if a relationship was mostly good, will have a boomerang of emotions.  A short while after people break up (usually when they are lonely on Friday night) their habitual nature kicks in.  This human habit will tip toe up into your mind, unlock the relationship trunk where all of your good memories of this person have been stashed, and begin showing these wonderful images to you, reminding you of all the good times you shared.  If you haven’t stayed to the end of the relationship, you won’t have enough evidence (which drives conviction) to fight off this wave of newly released positive emotions. Make sure that you are ready to end the relationship.  If it’s a marriage or a relationship that you committed to, make sure that you have done everything you know how to do to make it work.  How will you know when it’s the end?  You will know when you have a sense of peace that washes over you. When you imagine the life you want, you will experience a feeling of lightness and expansion.  Does that life include your partner?  When you are ready to end the relationship you will be at peace with your decision. 2.  Begin With The Right Mind-Set. Guilt is a major challenge when it comes to breaking up.  Guilt will keep people in relationships way longer than they should be.  It’s important to begin with the right mindset so you can free yourself from unnecessary guilt.  Lisa Nichols recently shared with me a brilliant thought.  Part of the problem with breaking up is the term, “breaking up”.  Breaking up insinuates that there must be something broken.  Why, if a relationship is ending, does there have to be something broken? The truth is, every relationship will end until you get married.  Even then, some marriages end.   It’s important to remember that every relationship, marriage or dating, contains gifts of learning and growth, adventures and experiences, that become the very substance of our lives. Lisa suggested, instead of calling it “breaking up” why not call it “coming to completion”?  You are complete in this relationship.  Just because a relationship doesn’t last a certain length of time doesn’t mean it is a failure.  Remember, the purpose of a relationship is to help us grow as we expand our ability to give and receive love.  Recognize that your relationship with your partner contained many good things for both of you, and many opportunities to grow in love.  Release yourself from unnecessary guilt. 3. Remember The Bigger Plan. Remember that God has a plan for each of us and God is always seeking for our highest good in life.  So if you are not the right person for your partner, then there is someone else for them.  Just as there is someone else for you.  If you are not in love with your partner, or cannot see yourself marrying them, then the kindest thing you can do is move out of the way and set them free.  You are releasing them so they can find someone who will love them the way they truly deserve to be loved.  By setting them free are giving your partner a gift.  There is someone out there who will love them, and love them fully; just as you will attract someone with whom you can give and receive love fully.  There is no lack of Love in this Universe, and by setting them free you are in fact being loving to your partner. 4. Pick a public location There are two sides to our nature; the spiritual side and the human side.  The spiritual side knows that there is no lack of love and that we are always taken care of.  The human side gets attached to the way things are and relates to competition and scarcity.  Sometimes the human side can trump the spiritual side.  This is why there is drama in break-ups.  This is why plates fly and tempers flair.  When are in a comfortable and in a familiar place, like our home, it’s easier to let this side take over.  By picking a public location, like a coffee shop or park, you are minimizing the chance of big drama. Remember, it’s important that you pick a location where you can get up and leave when the conversation is over.  Avoid dinners where you are stuck until the bill arrives.  Also, meet your boyfriend at the said location.  This way you can leave in your own car.  Nothing is more uncomfortable for both parties than a bad break up and then having to drive home in awkward silence together. If at all possible, avoid breaking up at your house.  Telling someone you no longer want to be with them, and then having to ask them to leave (no matter how nicely you put it) is like rubbing Tabasco juice in a canker sore. 5. Make it swift And Be Straight Up Like pulling off a band-aid, ending a relationship can hurt.  But it hurts less if you do it quickly.  Avoid dropping hints.  As my good friend Pina De Rosa says, “men don’t speak hint”.  Instead, have a heart-centered, straight-forward, mature conversation with him.  Treat him like a man and you’ll earn his respect. Avoid giving soft justifications for why you are ending the relationship.  Why?  Because guys are programmed to fix things.  If he really wants to be with you, his instinct will be to fix whatever justifications you give him.  Simply tell him the truth, and be clear about how you feel, and why you are breaking up with him.  If it’s simply because you don’t feel the chemistry, then tell him.   It’s important that you don’t waver or act unsure about the break up.  Acting unsure is akin to pulling off a band-aid s–l–o–w–l–y. If you can maintain a friendship with him, great.  But don’t be attached to it.  Know that he may need some space to free himself from the romantic connection he has with you.  The most important thing is to not lead him on after you’ve brought the romantic relationship to completion.

Preframing the conversation is very effective.  For example, you can say…

• “I need to have a difficult conversation with you, is now a good time?”
• ” I have something I need to tell you that might be hard to hear.”
• “This is really hard for me to say but…”

Lastly, here are a few phrases that work well in different circumstances…

• “I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and be that as it may, this relationship isn’t working for me…”
• “I don’t have the chemistry I need to make this work.”
• “I have really enjoyed our time together, but deep down I know we aren’t right for each other in the long run.  So to stay true to myself I need to end the romantic part of this relationship.”

Remember, the most important aspect is to be honest with them and speak your truth.  Breaking up isn’t fun, but the tips above will set you up to have the best experience possible.

Let me know what phrases have worked for you in the comments sections below… With Love and Light, Mat Boggs P.S. Have you seen the Cracking The Man Code seminar?  Watch it here: www.CrackingTheManCodeDVD.com

Have you ever wondered whether or not you should pursue the guy?  I was recently asked this question below..

“I was double dared to ask more than 10 men whether men liked to be chased but to do so without the presence of their wives and girlfriends so they will give me an honest answer. This male friend of mine told me that contrary to the common beliefs, men like to be chased. Can you please tell me honestly which is it please?!!”
~~

(To Attend My LIVE Cracking The Man Code Event Tomorrow July 8th Go Here: http://www.CrackingTheManCodeSeminar.com)

Here’s my answer to the above question…

Men DON’T like to be chased– they LOVE to be chased!  I’m mean, c’mon, who doesn’t, right?  We all like to be desired.  We all like to know someone else out there thinks we are the cat’s pajamas.

And, sometimes it works out.  She pursues him, gets his number…and they live happily ever after.

BUT…

Here’s the problem…

More often than not, the feel-good boost he gets by being “asked out” gets squashed within hours by a biological backlash of she-male chemicals.

In other words, the “high” he gets from you asking him out will only last until his internal romance meter realizes that he is now in the “feminine” position (aka: being the chasee)…and this kills the attraction.

When you ask a guy out, you become the masculine.  You’re chasing him.  This deflates any anticipation in the relationship he might have. (Which, by the way, is essential fuel to keep his interest until you both meet again.) You’ve robbed him of the ability to “win” you over, which is a very important ingredient to his process of falling in love.

Now, this doesn’t mean you have to be passive.  Quite the contrary.  As you may know, feminine energy is strong, powerful, and ever-pulling.

There’s a magic formula for pursuing him, without him even knowing.   This is super feminine-ninja-style.

Here’s how you can pursue him and stay in the feminine energy…

Step 1. Create The Opening with S.A.S. (Seeing And Smiles)
Every guy has been traumatized by crossing the room to talk to a woman he thought was looking at him, only to find himself brutally rejected and having to endure the W.O.S. (Walk of Shame) back to his table with all his buddies watching.  Therefore, men can be a bit hesitant to approach women.  Make eye contact for a good three seconds and give him that sexy smile you know how to do so well.  Make the opening to approach you obvious.  This will let him know you’re definitely interested, while keeping you in the sexy, feminine energy.

Step 2. Shake Off The F.O.F. (Fortress of Females)
For a man, trying to break into a circle of female friends who are having a private conversation is a terrifying experience.  In fact, men take seminars and spend thousands of dollars to learn the art of “opening a conversation”.  It’s definitely a tough thing to do.  You gotta leave your fortress of females, for a least a few minutes.  Go get a drink, or take a stroll around the bar.  In other words, give him a good shot to be able to talk to you.

Step 3. Get In His C.O.C. (Circumference of Conversation)
Sometimes getting eye contact can be difficult.  If this is the case, get into his “Circumference Of Conversation”.  What this means is, go stand close enough for him to be able to talk to you.  You can even open a conversation with him by asking him a question, e.g.: What time is it?  What’s the score of the game?  Who is going to win?.  Men LOVE to have their thoughts respected, and asking him a question he can answer works like magic.

Usually, that’s all it will take for him to strike up a conversation with you.  At this point, he’ll know you’re interested, and if he’s interested in you he’ll ask you out.

The most critical part of the magic feminine formula comes next…

Step 4. Let Him Make The Move
Whatever you do, Do NOT ask him out.  I repeat, do NOT ask for his number.  If you want to be the feminine, let him lead.  Let him ask for your number.  If he doesn’t ask you out, he’s not interested.  And that’s okay because he probably wasn’t the right guy for you.  Chances are he will ask you out and you’ll have set yourself up in the power feminine position and he will love pursuing you.

Remember, your man is out there looking for you right now.  He is closer than you think.  He wants to be with you more than you know.  Give him an opening.  Give him the green light.

The more you do, the faster you will meet the man of your dreams.

Much Love,
Mat

P.S. If you’d like to attend a LIVE Cracking The Man Code event tomorrow July 8th
Click Here: http://www.CrackingTheManCode.com)

P.P.S.  If you don’t live in the area and would like to watch this seminar from
the comfort of your own computer, you can download it immediately and watch
it here: http://www.TheManCodeDVD.com